Can children hold a grudge? If something bothers you or makes you angry, can you remember it and act on this feeling for a long time? Grudge is a common emotion, both in children and in adults, however, many do not know how to understand and control it (not even when they are older). Therefore, in Guiainfantil.com we give you some keys so that help your children deal with resentment, step by step, to prevent them from becoming spiteful adults.
I wanted to tell you an anecdote that I had to live a couple of years ago in an interview with an 8-year-old boy on his entrance exam to a school where I worked. The conversation was as follows:
Child: Hey, here is 'Carlos Pérez' studying in 4th grade?
Me: Yes, he studies here (emphasizing it with joy because he already had a little friend). Do you know him?
Child: Of course I know him, he hit me on the nose when I was still studying at my other school two years ago and I plan to take it out.
Me: My love, but that happened a long time ago. ¿Why don't you try to forget it?
Child: Christopher Columbus discovered America a long time ago and everyone remembers him, why am I going to forget him?
Many times we adults, with the best of intentions, try to comfort a child who has been attacked by another, either verbally or physically with words like: 'nothing happened',' everything is fine ',' forget it already ',' clean the slate ', etc.
Of course it is important and necessary to help them move on and get through the bad times, however often we tend to underestimate children's feelings thinking that because they are small they can overcome resentments more easily than we would and although that is true on many occasions, we should never downplay how they feel about certain people or events.
If we let go of a conflict situation that was important to our children, we ignore it, downplay it or suppress their emotions about it, the most sensitive could come to resent it, that is, they build a resentment that generates them:
- Suppressed aggressiveness.
- Bad mood.
The most convenient thing before an event that generated an emotional reaction in our son, first is:
1. Do not downplay the event if we see that for him / her it is.
2. Let you know that we care what you feel.
3. Ask you to tell us What happened (how he / she lived the event).
4. Guide him with questions to discover what feeling he generated (what he feels, distinguish if it is sadness, anger, disappointment, etc.)
5. Help him put the situation in perspective (see it from the outside).
6. Help you accept your responsibility in the situation, if he had any.
7. Discuss with him / her ways to resolve the conflict if possible and ask the school authorities, if it has not been done and it happened there, to help them mediate the issue.
8. Accept if our son does not want to resume the relationship with someone and don't force him to forgive or to re-establish a friendship bond if he / she does not want to.
9. Teach it to discover the lesson that and to release grudges for their own good.
10. Model with the example, impossible to ask him to overcome a conflict, if he / she sees that we cannot do it in our adult world.
It is not about magnifying a minor conflict that was not relevant for them, but rather giving their time to any situation that was significant for them (although it may not seem like it to us) and accompany them in the process of overcoming it.
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