To propose is to offer an alternative, an option, a way out. Proposing is an always positive attitude. Do you now intuit what propositional language can become? Propose + positive = purposeful. A language of options, alternatives, proposals versus imperative language, full of orders and denials.
Many pedagogues bet on the proactive language in the education of children. It is a language that does not punish, that does not humiliate and, on the contrary, that offers a positive vision without renouncing limits and norms. Do you want to learn how to use it? We explain how to use positive language with children to educate your child positively.
We tend to use, throughout the day, many denials, limitations and prohibitions. We tend to use, unintentionally, negative language with children: 'don't do that', 'you're going to fall', 'if you don't obey me I'll punish you' ...
The idea defended by countless pedagogues in favor of positive education is to change our language, from negative, impulsive and imperative to purposeful (more rational and positive). How to do it? We give you some examples:
1. Instead of 'don't chew with your mouth open', better use: 'chew with your mouth closed'. The first sentence tells the child something that he does wrong, and has negative connotations. The second sentence gives a direct command and explains to the child how to chew. The same happens in the case that your child takes some food with his hands. Instead of saying: 'Don't eat with your hands!', try an alternative of what to do: 'Use the fork to eat'.
2. Instead of scolding your child when he holds something fragile or you see him use improperly a toy with a 'You're going to break it!', better use a 'You must be careful'. In the first way, you condition the child and alert him to something that has not yet happened. So to speak, you are blaming him for something that hasn't happened yet. Otherwise, you warn him of what may happen but give him an alternative so that it does not happen.
3. Instead of scolding him when he talks too loud or is too loud with the classic: 'Be quiet!', better opt for a 'Keep quiet '. In this way, you will change a 'scolding' for an alternative, something that must be fulfilled.
4. When your child is going to touch something that you consider dangerous or should not touch, instead of reacting in an altered way with a 'Do not touch that!', better propose to observe it without touching it or looking at it with your help: 'Do you want to see what it is? I'll show you' O well 'Do you want us to see together what it is?'
5. When you want to warn your child or explain that they should be more cautious, we usually use negative phrases like 'You are going to fall!'. It is better to look for a phrase that warns you without scaring or adding negative connotations, for example: 'Take a good look at where you put your feet so you don't fall'. In this second sentence, you warn the child of what can happen without anticipating something that has not yet happened.
6. It is very common to 'scold' children when they cry, with phrases like 'Do not Cry!', 'You don't cry over nonsense!'... 'You don't cry for those things!' All these phrases do is tell children that it is wrong to express emotions, and inhibiting basic emotions does not benefit them at all. Before saying any of these phrases, change them for these others: 'It's normal for you to be sad', 'What can we do to solve the problem?'... 'Surely we can find something to heal your wound.' Always offer an alternative.
The purposeful language invites action, child participation. It offers you an alternative, something that is also rational and makes sense and makes you feel part of your achievements. These are the benefits if you apply it to your education:
- Strengthens their self-esteem.
- Offers you alternatives.
- Improves problem solving.
- Helps you generate positive thinking.
- Follow the rules more easily.
- Improve the relationship with parents.
- He does not feel threatened, so he is more receptive to change.
- Helps you to be more rational and less impulsive.
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